The Quiet Strength of Highly Sensitive People: Rethinking What it Means to Be Strong

Oftentimes in my HSP group, I talk about how our sensitivity can actually be our greatest strength. Yes, this is a bold statement, especially growing up in a society in which we are constantly fed messages that the “strongest” people are those who push through their emotions and fight through life from the standpoint that emotions are weakness.

Well, what if the opposite is true?

If our emotions are actually energy in motion, or messengers communicating valuable needs to us, then wouldn’t it be wise to listen to them? To pay them some attention? If emotions are the very thing that the majority of the population purposely pushes aside because they are considered a form of “weakness,” then why would we choose to attend to them and get curious about what they may be sharing with us?

What if true strength isn’t the absence of feeling our emotions? What if true strength is actually the capacity to be with our emotions, to listen to them intently, and to identify our needs without letting them control our lives?

What if true strength is the ability to be with our emotions long enough to glean wisdom from them, and then use that wisdom to amplify our lives in every way possible? Through creating depth in our relationships, learning to be skilled communicators and leaders in the workplace, and being brave enough to ask for what we need so we can create lives that truly honor our unique personalities and energy systems.

These are the questions that keep me up at night.

I absolutely love encouraging people to view their sensitivity in a more positive light. Does this mean that we bypass the true pain that comes with feeling our emotions more deeply than the majority of people? No. Absolutely not.

Does this mean that we allow the pain of our sensitivity to rule our lives and create victim narratives about how hard it is to be sensitive? Of course not.

What it does mean is that we get to create our own narratives about our sensitivity and what it means for us every moment of every day.

For me personally, I choose to be very mindful of the narrative I hold about my sensitivity. I choose to believe that my sensitivity is one of my greatest gifts. It helps me create healing spaces for my clients. Having strong emotions means that I get to learn a variety of skills that help me not only acknowledge what I’m feeling, but also become more vulnerable with my loved ones and, therefore, a more skilled communicator. That has made my life exponentially better in every way possible.

The reality is that we live in a society that has normalized numbness, avoidance, emotional repression, and stoicism. All of these ways of avoiding emotions have been reframed as the definition of “strength.”

How did we get to this point where we value all the forms of avoidance over true transparency, authenticity, and courage?

For years, any time I became tearful around someone, I immediately tried to hide it and felt an immense amount of shame. I am grateful to report that after many years of inner work and learning how to accept and embrace my sensitivity, I can now cry in front of people without feeling immediate shame.

Yes, sometimes my knee-jerk reaction to apologize still comes out, but overall, I have learned to reframe my vulnerability as a strength. I remind myself that I am modeling to others what is possible. True honesty through emotional expression has the capacity to bring us closer together as humans rather than create separation.

I am determined to help create a world in which sensitivity is valued. I am determined to help create a new narrative in which vulnerability is the key to dispelling shame, and where the more honest we can be with ourselves and the more transparent we are with others, the stronger we become as a species.

The definition of resilience, according to APA Dictionary of Psychology,  is “the ability to adapt, recover, and bounce back from adversity, trauma, or significant stress.” I'd say that HSPs are some of the most resilient people I know because they have such an immense capacity to access their vulnerability. That vulnerability allows them to connect with others from a place of authenticity and creates a greater capacity to recover and heal.

Not to say that HSPs don’t repress their emotions. Of course we do at times. However, because we feel things so deeply, it is often much harder for us to keep our emotions buried. Some HSPs go to great lengths to numb.

But for those of us who put time and energy toward choosing not to distract ourselves from our emotions, we are walking the path of true strength.

We are not avoiding.

We are feeling fully and using that information to cultivate wisdom over time.

This is certainly a skill that comes with dedication, practice, and patience. I am proud of all of us who have chosen this path.

It certainly isn’t easy, but it is well worth it.

Keep going.

Until next time, be gentle with yourself.

~ Angie